When I started my career educating at-risk children, most of my students lived in poverty, were abused, or challenged by learning, mental or physical disabilities. I wanted to find ways to help them succeed.
As an educational psychologist, I learned a very important lesson: Thriver is created, not born. Children need a safe, loving and well-organized childhood, but they also need autonomy, competence and organization to develop.
After researching the most relevant traits to optimize children’s developmental abilities, I identified seven skills needed to increase children’s mental resilience, resilience, social competence, self-awareness, and moral strength – and those that distinguish successful children who Is bright. From those who struggle:
Most parents equate self-esteem with confidence. They tell their kids “you can be special” or “you can be whatever you want.”
But there is There is little evidence that boosting self-esteem enhances academic success or even genuine happiness. Studies show, however, that children who blame their grades for their own efforts and strengths are more successful than children who believe they have no control over their academic results.
True self-confidence is the result of doing good, overcoming obstacles, creating solutions, and coming back on your own. Solving your child’s problems or doing things for them only makes them think: “They don’t believe I can.”
Kids who have self-confidence know they can fail but come back again, and that is why we need to free ourselves from wandering, snow and rescue.
There are three distinct types of energy in this character: emotional empathy, when we share the feelings of others and feel their emotions; Behavioral empathy, when sympathetic anxiety gathers us to work with empathy; And cognitive empathy, when we understand the thoughts of others or get their shoes on.
Kids need an emotional vocabulary Develop empathy. Here’s how to put one together for use with your parents:
- Label Emotions: Deliberately name the emotion in the context to help them create an emotional vocabulary: “You’re happy!” “You look depressed.”
- Ask a question: “How do you like it?” “You’re scared. Am I right?” Help your child understand that all feelings are normal. How we like to express them can get us into trouble.
- Share Feelings: Children need opportunities to express their feelings in a safe way. Create that space by sharing your own emotions: “I didn’t sleep very much so I’m bored.” “I’m disappointed with this book.”
- Notice others: Indicate the human face and body language in the library or park: “How do you think the person feels?” “Have you ever felt like that?”
The ability to control your attention, emotions, thoughts, actions and desires is one of them The power that has to do with success – and an amazing little privacy to help kids get back on track and improve.
One way to teach self-control is to give signals. It is difficult to change the focus in some children’s activities. This is why teachers use “attention signals” such as a bell or verbal signal: “pencil down, eyes up.”
Develop a signal, practice together and then expect attention! A few: “I need your attention in a minute.” “Ready to hear?”
Another strategy is to use stress pause. Slowness gives them time to think. Teach a “posing prompt” that can remind your child to think before they stop and act:
- “If you’re crazy, count to 10 before you answer.”
- “When in doubt: stop, think, cool down.”
- “Don’t say things you don’t want to say about yourself.”
Honesty is a set of learning beliefs, abilities, attitudes, and skills that builds an ethical compass that can help children learn – and do – what is right.
Our own expectations are a huge part of the puzzle. But equally important is to give them a place to build their own moral identity and separate from our own.
It also helps to acknowledge and appreciate ethical behavior when your child demonstrates it so that they understand that you value it. Speak honestly, then describe the action so your child knows what they did to gain recognition.
Using the word “reason” makes your compliment more specific: “It shows honesty because you refused to give that gossip.” “You showed honesty because you promised to go with your friend even though you had to leave the sleeping party!”
Curiosity is the desire to recognize, pursue and explore fancy, challenging and uncertain events.
To help kids create curiosity, I like to use open toys, gadgets and games. Give them paint, yarn and popsicle sticks to create construction. Or offer paper clips and pipe cleaners and challenge your kids on how many unusual ways they can use.
Another method is to model inquisitiveness. Instead of saying, “It won’t work,” “Let’s see what happens!” Instead of answering, ask: “What do you think?” “How do you know?” “How can you find out?”
Lastly, when you read a book, watch a movie or walk with someone, use the “I wonder” questions: “I wonder where he is going.” “I wonder why they’re doing it.” “I wonder what will happen next.”
Perseverance helps kids while giving up everything else.
Mistakes can keep kids from succeeding in the end. So don’t let your child ruin their problems. Instead, help them in the air and identify their stumbling blocks.
Some kids give up because they feel overwhelmed with “all the problems” or “all their assignments”. Dividing tasks into smaller parts helps children who have difficulty focusing or starting.
You can teach your daughter to “pole”, for example, by covering all her math problems with a piece of paper except the top row. As each row is completed move the covered paper down to the next row and to the next row.
Older kids can write each assignment on a sticky note, according to difficulty, and do one task at a time. Encourage them to do the hardest thing first so they don’t stress about it all night. Confidence and perseverance are created when children complete large parts alone.
Optimistic kids see challenges and obstacles as temporary and able to overcome, so they are more likely to succeed.
But there is a dramatically opposite view: pessimism. Children who are pessimistic see challenges as permanent, such as cement blocks that are impossible to move, and are therefore more likely to give up.
Teaching children optimism begins with us. Kids take our words as their inner voice, so over the next few days, tune in to your general messages and evaluate the way you offer your kids.
On average, would you say that you are usually more pessimistic or optimistic? Do you usually describe things as positive or negative; Half full or empty; Good or bad; Through roses – or blue glasses? Do your friends and family say the same about you?
If you see that you are leaning towards half-empty, remember that the change begins by looking in the mirror. If you see pessimism, write about why it helps to be more optimistic.
Change is hard, but it’s important to be an example of what you want your child to learn.
Michelle Borba, ADD, An educational psychologist, parenting expert and its author “Thrivers: Wonder why some kids struggle and others shine” And “Unselfie: Why sympathetic kids are successful all over my world.” She lives in Palm Springs, California with her husband and is the mother of three sons. Follow her Twitter, Facebook And Instagram.